Oswald & Kalb, Vienna

Hola. My name is Kalb, but you can call me Oswald for short.

Hey, ‘kalb’ means ‘veal’, and the poster to the right of the door (very festive, lads!) said something like “The best wiener in Wiener!” so I think they rate their schnitzel highly. It was Christmas Eve, someone was sick, and I still felt like going out for ‘Viennese Cuisine’ and some wine. A bit of research made O&K sound like a good place, and I wasn’t disappointed.

YOU would be disappointed, that is, if you were expecting to see photos of food. That’s because in the rush of leaving the room, I managed to take my old camera and my phone, but not my new camera…or a memory card. So the pictures I accidentally took with my phone are all you get.

It’s not such a big deal though – it’s Viennese Cuisine, after all. So you by no means need to see a picture of the venison goulash I had as a main, nor the wine list (although I should point out if you’re keeping score that the wine here was much more expensive than at other places – I was positively addicted to the tremendously drinkable $3 glasses at most places).

I would have loved to get you a closer picture of the couple in the back there, especially once the ridiculously tall, blonde was joined by a second one. I thought they were sisters, but the first one seemed to have had some work done. And none of that explained what they were doing with the round little balded bearded guy.

Christmas Eve was kinda festive, and with me being alone it wasn’t that much fun. I took this picture in an effort to make myself feel like I was having dinner with these nice wieners.

Actually I DID feel like I was having dinner with the American family at the next table, a daughter and her parents. I’ve forgotten their names, which I overheard during the conversation, but even a month later I remember the details of the daughter’s relationship ‘troubles’. She wasn’t sure if her boyfriend was right for her despite her parents’ pressure to get married, and she enumerated his faults: he “doesn’t plan enough dates” and “we’re fighting about which church we should attend, his or mine.” What a loser he is! I hope for his sake that she breaks up with him.

Word to the wise, check who’s sitting near you. Another word to the wise, try the smoked eel here! It was really good.

On the whole, I wouldn’t be dying to go here if I was you and visited Weiner. I would try the schnitzel, and I wouldn’t take any shit from the staff, who seemed annoyed that I was taking up a table by myself in their mostly-empty restaurant, and not ordering food and drink fast enough.

That is all.